How to help a friend who feels suicidal
The World Health Organization estimates that approximately one million people die each year from suicide. What drives so many individuals to take their own lives? A suicidal person is in so much pain that he or she can see no other option. This article is a summary of my research on suicide, especially from the website HelpGuide.org.
Suicide is a desperate attempt to escape suffering that has become unbearable. Blinded by feelings of self-loathing, hopelessness, and isolation, a suicidal person can not see any way of finding relief except through death. But despite their desire for the pain to stop, most suicidal people are deeply conflicted about ending their own lives. They wish there was an alternative to committing suicide, but they just cannot see one.
The highest suicide rates of any age occur among persons aged 65 years and older. One contributing factor is depression in the elderly that is undiagnosed and untreated.
Teenagers are also at high risk of suicide. They face pressures to succeed and fit in. They may struggle with self-esteem issues, self-doubt, and feelings of alienation. For some, this leads to suicide. Depression is also a major risk factor for teen suicide.
Warning signs of suicide:
Most suicidal individuals give warning signs or signals of their intentions. The best way to prevent suicide is to recognize these warning signs and know how to respond if you spot them. If you believe that a friend or family member is suicidal, you can play a role in suicidal prevention by pointing out the alternatives, showing that you care, and getting a doctor or psychologist involved.
Major warning signs for suicide include talking about killing or harming oneself, talking or writing a lot about death or dying, seeking out things that could be used in a suicide attempt, such as weapons and drugs, self-hatred, self-destructive behavior, getting affairs in order, saying goodbye, and sudden sense of calm. These signals are even more dangerous if the person has a mood disorder such as depression or bipolar disorder, suffers from alcohol dependence, has previously attempted suicide, or has a family history of suicide.
A more subtle but equally dangerous warning sign of suicide is hopelessness. People who feel hopeless may talk about “unbearable” feelings, predict a bleak future, and state that they have nothing to look forward to.
Other warning signs that point to a suicidal mind frame include dramatic mood swings or sudden personality changes, such as going from outgoing to withdrawn, or well-behaved to rebellious. A suicidal person may also lose interest in day-to-day activities, neglect his or her appearance, and show big changes in eating or sleeping habits.
Suggestions for suicide prevention:
Anyone who talks about suicide or shows other warning signs need immediate help from a doctor or psychologist – the sooner the better.
(1) Talk to a person about suicide.
Talking to a friend or family member about their suicidal thoughts and feelings can be extremely difficult for anyone. You can not make a person suicidal by showing that you care. In fact, giving a suicidal person the opportunity to express his or her feelings can provide relief from loneliness and pent-up negative feelings, and may prevent a suicide attempt.
(2) Respond quickly in a crisis.
If a friend or family member tells you that he or she is thinking about death or suicide, it is important to evaluate the immediate danger the person is in. Those at the highest risk for committing suicide in the near future have a specific suicide PLAN, the MEANS to carry out the plan, a TIME SET for doing it, and an INTENTION to do it.
If a suicide attempt seems imminent, call a local crisis center, dial 911, or take the person to an emergency room. Remove guns, drugs, knives, and other potentially lethal objects from the vicinity but do not, under any circumstances, leave a suicidal person alone.
(3) Offer help and support.
If a friend or family member is suicidal, one way to help is by offering an empathetic, listening ear. Let your loved one know that he or she is not alone and that you care. Do not take responsibility, however, for making your loved one well. You can offer support, but you can not get better for a suicidal person. He or she has to make a personal commitment in recovery.
It takes a lot of courage to help someone who is suicidal. Witnessing a loved one dealing with thoughts about ending his or her own life can stir up many difficult emotions. As you are helping a suicidal person, do not forget to take care of yourself. Find someone that you trust – a friend, family member, clergyman, or counselor – to
talk to about your feelings and get support of your own.
(4) Get professional help.
Do everything in your power to get a suicidal person the help he or she needs. Call a crisis line for advice and referrals. Encourage the person to see a mental health professional, help locate a treatment facility, or take them to a doctor’s appointment.
(5) Follow-up treatment.
If the doctor prescribes medication, make sure your friend or loved one takes it as directed. Be aware of possible side effects and be sure to notify the physician if the person seems to be getting worse.
(6) Encourage positive lifestyle changes.
Suggest eating a healthy diet, getting plenty of sleep, and getting out in the sun or into nature at least 30 minutes each day. Exercise is also extremely important.
(7) Make a safety plan.
Help the person develop a set of steps he or she promises to follow during a suicidal crisis. It should identify any triggers that may lead to a suicidal crisis, such as anniversary of a loss, alcohol, or stress from relationships. Also include contact numbers for the person’s doctor or therapist, as well as friends and family members who will help in an emergency.
(8) Continue your support over the long haul.
Even after the immediate suicidal crisis has passed, stay in touch with the person,
periodically checking in or dropping by. Your support is vital to ensure your friend or loved one remains on the recovery track.
(9) Be proactive.
Those contemplating suicide often do not believe they can be helped, so you may
have to be more proactive at offering assistance. Say, “Call me if you need anything” is too vague. Do not wait for the person to call you or even to return your calls. Drop by, call again, and invite the person out.
For immediate assistance:
Call 911, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or the Ruston Behavioral Health Clinic Crisis Hotline 1-800-256-2522.
For more information:
Visit www.HelpGuide.org, the National Alliance on Mental Illness at www.nami.org, the American Association of Suicidology at www.suicidology.org, the Suicide Prevention Action Network (SPAN) at www.spanusa..org, and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at www.afsp.org.
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Article published by Jerrilene Washington, Ed.D., a retired associate professor from the University of Louisiana at Monroe and the president of the Ruston chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI Ruston.
Suicide is a desperate attempt to escape suffering that has become unbearable. Blinded by feelings of self-loathing, hopelessness, and isolation, a suicidal person can not see any way of finding relief except through death. But despite their desire for the pain to stop, most suicidal people are deeply conflicted about ending their own lives. They wish there was an alternative to committing suicide, but they just cannot see one.
The highest suicide rates of any age occur among persons aged 65 years and older. One contributing factor is depression in the elderly that is undiagnosed and untreated.
Teenagers are also at high risk of suicide. They face pressures to succeed and fit in. They may struggle with self-esteem issues, self-doubt, and feelings of alienation. For some, this leads to suicide. Depression is also a major risk factor for teen suicide.
Warning signs of suicide:
Most suicidal individuals give warning signs or signals of their intentions. The best way to prevent suicide is to recognize these warning signs and know how to respond if you spot them. If you believe that a friend or family member is suicidal, you can play a role in suicidal prevention by pointing out the alternatives, showing that you care, and getting a doctor or psychologist involved.
Major warning signs for suicide include talking about killing or harming oneself, talking or writing a lot about death or dying, seeking out things that could be used in a suicide attempt, such as weapons and drugs, self-hatred, self-destructive behavior, getting affairs in order, saying goodbye, and sudden sense of calm. These signals are even more dangerous if the person has a mood disorder such as depression or bipolar disorder, suffers from alcohol dependence, has previously attempted suicide, or has a family history of suicide.
A more subtle but equally dangerous warning sign of suicide is hopelessness. People who feel hopeless may talk about “unbearable” feelings, predict a bleak future, and state that they have nothing to look forward to.
Other warning signs that point to a suicidal mind frame include dramatic mood swings or sudden personality changes, such as going from outgoing to withdrawn, or well-behaved to rebellious. A suicidal person may also lose interest in day-to-day activities, neglect his or her appearance, and show big changes in eating or sleeping habits.
Suggestions for suicide prevention:
Anyone who talks about suicide or shows other warning signs need immediate help from a doctor or psychologist – the sooner the better.
(1) Talk to a person about suicide.
Talking to a friend or family member about their suicidal thoughts and feelings can be extremely difficult for anyone. You can not make a person suicidal by showing that you care. In fact, giving a suicidal person the opportunity to express his or her feelings can provide relief from loneliness and pent-up negative feelings, and may prevent a suicide attempt.
(2) Respond quickly in a crisis.
If a friend or family member tells you that he or she is thinking about death or suicide, it is important to evaluate the immediate danger the person is in. Those at the highest risk for committing suicide in the near future have a specific suicide PLAN, the MEANS to carry out the plan, a TIME SET for doing it, and an INTENTION to do it.
If a suicide attempt seems imminent, call a local crisis center, dial 911, or take the person to an emergency room. Remove guns, drugs, knives, and other potentially lethal objects from the vicinity but do not, under any circumstances, leave a suicidal person alone.
(3) Offer help and support.
If a friend or family member is suicidal, one way to help is by offering an empathetic, listening ear. Let your loved one know that he or she is not alone and that you care. Do not take responsibility, however, for making your loved one well. You can offer support, but you can not get better for a suicidal person. He or she has to make a personal commitment in recovery.
It takes a lot of courage to help someone who is suicidal. Witnessing a loved one dealing with thoughts about ending his or her own life can stir up many difficult emotions. As you are helping a suicidal person, do not forget to take care of yourself. Find someone that you trust – a friend, family member, clergyman, or counselor – to
talk to about your feelings and get support of your own.
(4) Get professional help.
Do everything in your power to get a suicidal person the help he or she needs. Call a crisis line for advice and referrals. Encourage the person to see a mental health professional, help locate a treatment facility, or take them to a doctor’s appointment.
(5) Follow-up treatment.
If the doctor prescribes medication, make sure your friend or loved one takes it as directed. Be aware of possible side effects and be sure to notify the physician if the person seems to be getting worse.
(6) Encourage positive lifestyle changes.
Suggest eating a healthy diet, getting plenty of sleep, and getting out in the sun or into nature at least 30 minutes each day. Exercise is also extremely important.
(7) Make a safety plan.
Help the person develop a set of steps he or she promises to follow during a suicidal crisis. It should identify any triggers that may lead to a suicidal crisis, such as anniversary of a loss, alcohol, or stress from relationships. Also include contact numbers for the person’s doctor or therapist, as well as friends and family members who will help in an emergency.
(8) Continue your support over the long haul.
Even after the immediate suicidal crisis has passed, stay in touch with the person,
periodically checking in or dropping by. Your support is vital to ensure your friend or loved one remains on the recovery track.
(9) Be proactive.
Those contemplating suicide often do not believe they can be helped, so you may
have to be more proactive at offering assistance. Say, “Call me if you need anything” is too vague. Do not wait for the person to call you or even to return your calls. Drop by, call again, and invite the person out.
For immediate assistance:
Call 911, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or the Ruston Behavioral Health Clinic Crisis Hotline 1-800-256-2522.
For more information:
Visit www.HelpGuide.org, the National Alliance on Mental Illness at www.nami.org, the American Association of Suicidology at www.suicidology.org, the Suicide Prevention Action Network (SPAN) at www.spanusa..org, and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at www.afsp.org.
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Article published by Jerrilene Washington, Ed.D., a retired associate professor from the University of Louisiana at Monroe and the president of the Ruston chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI Ruston.